Generation 2, Chapter 16 - The Decision

"Get out," Adam shouted at the physical therapist as he dragged himself to the chair. "This is pointless and a huge waste of time."

"It's normal to feel frustrated," the therapist began only to be cut off as Adam hurled something at her. Ducking the flying object that whizzed past her head "You really have to stop throwing things at me."

"Yeah and you need to stop with your empty platitudes. I'm never going to walk again." Adam said staring into space.

"Not with that attitude," the therapist said. "Now lets try this again."

An hour later Adam was lying on his bed, exhausted from dragging is useless legs up and down the bars. The only thing he was accomplishing was a good upper body workout but his legs were completely numb from the waste down. Brain damage the doctors explained from oxygen deprivation from his near death drowning six months ago. He remembered waking up in the hospital, not knowing who he or anyone else was. At first they thought that was the only manifestation of any brain damage and they were positive it would be temporary. At first he couldn't move at all, he was assured it was temporary as his body adjusted, eventually he could sit up and move his arms and hands but after several hours and his legs were still numb he began to become concerned something was wrong.

"Dad?" he asked the guy sitting in the chair beside his bed. He had a hard believing this man was his father, he didn't look old enough but who was he to judge? He didn't even know his own name.

"What is it son?" he said turning towards him attempting to smile despite the fatigue that showed clearly in his face and the bags under his eyes.

"I know the doctors said it would take time but ..." Adam stopped overwhelmed with fear.

"But what son? Peter asked smoothing out imaginary wrinkles in the bed sheets.

"I ... I can't feel my legs. Surely it's been long enough now that I should be able to feel something. But they're completely numb." Adam looked at the man next to him for reassurance and watched his fears mirrored in his face. He got up an raced to the door, yelling for the doctor.

The doctors came and performed one test after another. "Do you feel this? How about now?" "Tell us when you feel something?" Nothing, absolutely nothing. They looked at each, talking so softly that he couldn't hear them, but he knew. He knew he wasn't going to be able to walk but he had to ask "What's wrong with my legs? Why can't I feel anything? Will I be able to walk again?" They looked back at him like so many dazed deer in headlights. Unable or unwilling to answer his questions, he turned to his father, his eyes pleading for answers. Silently Peter shook his head, tears swimming in his eyes and Adam knew he'd never walk again. He had been without oxygen too long effecting the part of the brain that controlled his motor functions. He felt himself going, losing control, he felt his father's arms around him, pulling him close as he began to cry.

His memory loss was only temporary, coming back like a tidal wave four weeks after his drowning. For four weeks he had no memory and relied on others to tell him who he was and who everyone else was around him. There were police guards by the door as he didn't know who could be trusted or who couldn't. He wondered why he needed protection and everyone shied away from the answer. A police man would occasionally come in and ask questions, that he couldn't answer, then leave no more knowledgeable than he was. Then it all came flooding back and the reason for the police being there was no longer a mystery. Someone hated him. Hated him enough to do this to him. Adrenaline shot through his system as he thought the only reason for guards at the door was that his attackers were still out there, waiting for their chance to get at him.

He learned later that his attackers were caught and facing charges of kidnapping, assault and attempted homicide. All three of his attackers had bailed out of the van, aware they were leaving a helpless, bound, gagged and blind folded person behind to drown as the van sank. He would have drowned if it hadn't been for the police officers who risked their lives to dive into the frigid lake and get him out. They performed CPR until the paramedics arrived and were able to resuscitate him along the way to the hospital.

He remembered how sore and bruised his chest had been from the efforts to save his life. He wished he could be more grateful but a part of him wished he had drowned that day. He didn't want to live like this, bound to a wheelchair, dependent upon others and having the knowledge that someone hated him so much they would have let him die. It was just too much.

The months passed and his son celebrated his fifth birthday while he was still in the hospital. He missed his son's first day of school, another mile stone in his son's life. It was bad enough he had to grow up without a mother but now he had to do it without a father as well. He stared at the diploma on his wall, the only thing he had to show for his two years of hard work and sacrifice. And for what? A piece of paper? He had lost the job he had been offered at the science lab because they needed someone right then and gave it to someone else. Another opening may not be available for years. He had no job, his father was raising his son, what was the point of continuing with this facade he called his life?

After another pointless session with the therapist, Adam resisted the urge to lock himself in his room again. Heath had made him promise he wouldn't, that he'd be waiting for him after school. He had time before Heath was due home, but he knew if he went to his room now he wouldn't come out again.  He didn't want to disappoint his son, not this time, not when it was within his ability to do it. Heath asked for so little, Adam sighed as if he was facing an insurmountable task.

He switched on the TV and flipped through the channels stopping on a documentary. Adam found himself intrigued by the program, inspired by the life stories of others who had spinal injuries resulting in paralysis. He listened as they told of their struggles to overcome their depression and to find meaning in their lives again. He wondered if they could do it, why couldn't he? He wanted to be whole again in mind if not in body, he could have a meaningful life despite being in a wheelchair. He didn't have to let the wheelchair define his life, he could still define his own destiny. He only had to want it bad enough and his strongest motivator was his son. He was ready to do this, he was ready to be Heath's father again.

Heath raced into the house, hoping to see his father waiting for him in the living room but doubting he would be. He hated seeing his father so withdrawn and depressed, he wanted his dad back. Heath grinned when he caught sight of him, for once he was clean and dressed. It had been so long since he had seen his dad without his beard, it was almost strange to see him now. "Daddy I knew you'd keep your promise," he beamed.

"I did and I almost look human again." Adam said with a smile. "Come here and give your old man a hug."

Running into his Dad's outstretched arms Heath cried "Daddy I've missed you."

"I've missed you too son," Adam said reveling in the feel of his son's arms around him. "Heath I'm so sorry. I promise things are going to be different."

Heath looked at him quizzically nodding his head "Really?"

"Yes really. Starting today I'm not going to let being in this chair stop me from being your father. I can do things. I can help you with your homework, read to you, play video games together or just talk. How does that sound?"

"It sounds wonderful," Heath said giving him another hug. Pulling away slightly, Heath grinned saying "Or we could play basketball. You know they have teams for guys in wheelchairs."

"That they do. We may have to give that a go someday."

"Good," Heath said laughing as he sat on his fathers lap, opening up his homework.

"Hey are you putting me to work already?" Adam asked winking at him.

"Yep might as well start now."

When Peter walked into the house he could hardly contain his surprise at seeing Adam clean, dressed and shaved helping his son with his homework. He knew his jaw dropped to the floor when Adam looked up and smiled at him. He was never more proud of his son as he was at that moment, after months of worrying that Adam would lose himself completely and spiral into depression he comes home to this transformation. He could cry, he was so happy!

After Adam read Heath a bedtime story, Peter come into to his room to talk. "Son it's been so long since you've done anything other than just exist."

Looking at his Dad Adam asked "Was I really that bad?"

"Yes you were," Peter sighed "I wanted to give you time to adjust to your new circumstances but it seemed the more time went by the more depressed you became."

"To be honest Dad I felt like ending it all," he said staring at the far wall. "I thought about it a lot. I couldn't face living like this for the rest of my life, being a burden on everyone."

"You're not a burden ..."

"Yeah I know but that's how I felt. I've spent hours in this room replaying my life in my head." Gesturing towards the framed degree on the wall he said "I spent two years earning that, losing two years of my son's life and for what? A wall decoration?" He sighed looking at his father he asked "Do you know what I did today?"

"Besides clean yourself up and become a human being again? I don't know."

"I got a job."

"Adam ... you don't need to work."

"I know but I'm tired of feeling worthless. With a job, I'll feel like I'm contributing something. I won't be sitting alone dwelling on things that are better off left in the past. I need to feel useful again. Just sitting here all day doing nothing, I can't do it anymore." Adam looked at his Dad as he said "I called my old boss at Gaming Central and he said I could have my old job back. It's not exactly rocket science but at least it's something I'm good at. I can test the games at home and it's something I can do with Heath. I won't let being in this chair impede me from having a life. I'm going to live and not just exist everyday."

Everyday